The Legacy Problem
I have given a lot of thought to my
own mortality as of late. I am not so much concerned with the afterlife but
what is going to happen to me as I get older and approach the inevitable end.
Will I rage, rage against the dying of the light? Will I go gentle into that
good night? What about my partner, Isaac? How will he cope? How will he deal
with the accumulated stuff we amassed over our lifetime together?
If we were a heterosexual couple or a
couple that adopted, we would simply leave everything to the children and let
them sort it out. However, we do not have nor plan to have any children
whatsoever. This is the focus of my thoughts. What happens to us once we shove
off this mortal coil? What will become of our stories? Who will remember our
adventures? Our funny antics and whimsical one-liners will forever fall silent
once our voices are silenced. Is our property doomed to revert to the state’s
holdings—the very state that would deny us our civil rights?
This has prompted me to research
other options. I found Dan Savage and Christopher Ryan extremely informative.
They prompted me to think about my relationship with my partner. They presented
alternatives that helped me find solutions to my questions above. After talking
with my partner extensively about this, we both agreed that opening up our
relationship to a triad would benefit us. However, there are some restrictions.
The Plausible Solution
I am 48 years old. My cub, Isaac, is
36 years old--soon to be 37. It is quite probable, given our life expectancy that I will die
first. This leaves Isaac behind to deal with everything in life—and possibly
alone at that. (Let’s face it; the gay lifestyle is a youthful-oriented
lifestyle!) To solve this dilemma, we
have agreed to look for a third who is younger than Isaac. This younger man
would live with both of us. We would strive to build a life together. When I
pass on, I will leave everything to Isaac. The two then begin the search for
another that is younger than our youngest cub to fill the gap. When Isaac
passes on, he will leave his possessions to the third and the process continues
as those two seek a younger cub. In this way, we ensure that we are remembered
and that our lifetime of building and saving isn't all for nothing.
The Confounds
I realize what I am proposing has
many holes in it. This plan makes the assumption that I will die first and an
accident or natural predisposition to an illness will certainly be a wrench in
this plan should Isaac suffer his mortality before me. We will work to solve
those problems should they arise. How would this affect any break ups? It would
be the same as if one had prematurely passed on. But Isaac and I have been together
three years now and would expect our courtship of the third to be just as
lengthy before we decide to commit.
The Search
What we are looking for is someone
who is younger than Isaac by, more or less, 10 years. Isaac is currently 36.
This younger man will be dating both of us so he should be comfortable with an
older man in his life. We are not looking to support someone who promises to
clean the house and do the dishes! We are looking for an educated man; one who
would add to our security and stability as we make that security and stability
his as well. We are not looking for a part-time lover or third wheel but a man
who can eventually fully integrate himself into our lives as we become integral
to his life. We are looking to start a
family and establish a legacy.
Could this be you? Say hello and
let’s see.
Have a question? Please ask.
